I have tried so hard to figure out a way to feature Bring Me the Head of David Dixon. He makes me laugh on a weekly basis. After seeing the comic strip of David Dixon in the boat, on the river, I knew I had a story to tell and dedicate. We all need a reason to laugh from time to time, and this site can definitely deliver.
Anyway, back to the river!
I’m not a floater. By that I mean I don’t like going out on the river. I’ve floated three times in my life. One of those times was okay, the other two are another story. First off, I’ll let you know what floating is. In Missouri, and I’m sure other places, people like to park a car down river, then drive up river something like ten miles and then get in canoes and float down to their car. It’s pretty much the worst thing ever.
The first time I ever went was with about twelve other people. We had four canoes, ours being extra special. I was in a canoe with one other guy in the rear and a girl in the middle. It took us traveling about eight feet down river before we tipped it over for the first time. This was a sure sign of things to come.
I think I was about twenty-two during this, so I was a pretty big drinker and smoker at the time. Luckily we didn’t lose any beer and the smokes didn’t get wet right off the bat. But, half way through we did find out that our canoe did have a hole in it. The previous owner had tried to fix it buy using a piece of duct tape.
We didn’t lose any beer from all the times we tipped, but we did run out about halfway through. This caused a very different sort of sensation to happen. We all got drunk and were hungover in the span of about four hours. Not to mention, the water was low and we had to carry the canoe for a couple hundred yards.
We slept the whole way home, about two hours. I’ve been floating twice since then. Those two times are split right down the middle. At 66% I’m pretty sure that I’m never going to go again.
And it shall come to pass, that every thing that liveth, which moveth, whithersoever the rivers shall come, shall live: and there shall be a very great multitude of fish, because these waters shall come thither: for they shall be healed; and every thing shall live whither the river cometh. ~ Ezekiel 47: 9
*Featured Image Credit: www.oocities.org