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An Interview With a Shakespearean Character

What’s up guys! It’s time to get this interview business back on track. I’ve had several lovely people respond to my questions, including today’s guest – Iago’s Ghost. Iago is another real life friend of mine – which may explain why I may have been tough on him…but I know he can take it. He just happens to be Glow Worm’s Husband, member of the Armed Forces, Ex-English Teacher, father of…six I think…yeah – six, my Home Teacher and master grill chef. Please enjoy getting to know him.

*******

Hey Iago’s Ghost (IG),

How’s it going? Long time no see. Your wife, Glow Worm, suggested that I interview you next. (I sure hope there wasn’t any coercion behind that) Anyway, I think the good people in the blogosphere could really benefit from getting to know you better. What do you say? Here we go.

I’m doing well. Thanks for asking. No, there was no coercion. I told her to say “the DH,” when you asked her for suggestions. But she listed off a few other bloggers instead. I was kinda upset. After I had left the room in a huff, she went back and added me to the list. She’s mean like that. I say you are correct: good people would benefit from knowing me better because everyone is entitled to my opinion. And because this will appear on the internet, it must be true.

BroJo: When are you going to paint a red stripe on your van? Glow Worm already installed neon lights underneath. (I pity the fool that don’t get that reference.)

IG: Whoa, ya gotta get your priorities straight, BroJo. Before the red stripe, I need a sound system to match the lights. I gotta rattle some windows while drivin’ thru da ‘hood, ya know? Oh, we can’t forget the hydraulics and spinning hub caps either. “We like the cars, the cars that go boom.”

BroJo: Speaking of Glow Worm….what’s it like having to follow her here? Must be tough.

IG: “Sometimes you kick. Sometimes you get kicked.” Nah, that wasn’t tough. Tough was OCS.

BroJo: Between you and her, who’s the better cook? (I’ll allow hamburger recipes, even though I shouldn’t)

IG: Everyone is allowed to have just one bad day when they slightly under cook some hamburgers, aren’t they? Ok, I admit it. I burned the outside and the inside was a little pink. Ummmm. Ok, yeah they were raw in the middle. It won’t happen again. Promise. (Editor’s Note: Those burgers were just fine. I order my steak like Woody does on The Cowboy Way – Knock it’s horns off, wipe its butt and throw it on a plate!)

BroJo: So, you’re an English Teacher that doesn’t like to write. Find the question in there yourself, Shakespeare.

IG: Iago was one of most villainous characters in all of literature. Everyone has a little Iago in them. Well, if he’s inside you he must microscopic. He’s that voice inside your head telling you, “club that baby seal!” or “light that match.” Iago will tell you not to mention the drop of sauce on someone’s chin. He’s kinda mean like that. When I was about 10 years old we drove past two fat women, and I said, “Save the whales!” That was Iago. When I was in third grade I shot a spit wad at my teacher’s butt. I blame that on Iago.

BroJo: What’s it like living through the 70’s? Like, all of the 70’s? (Old).

IG: Not old, wise and distinguished. I was a child during the 70s. With a few notable exceptions I barely remember it. I do remember going to see Star Wars in the movie theater. Twice! I also remember seeing this girl wearing bell-bottom corduroy pants. Even to my 5-year-old fashion sense they were ugly.

BroJo: What is your favorite song from your birth year?

IG: I don’t know. (Editor’s Note: I’m not buying this for one second. It was probably “Jesus Is Just Alright” – by The Doobie Brothers, but I might be wrong.)

BroJo: Why did 80’s hair-band music have to happen? If only I had a time machine.

IG: To show you young ones what real music is—unlike what that fat prancing Korean or that Bieber what’s-his-name are singing. Also, it had to happen so that totally original musicians of today could steal classic 80s tunes for lame hip-hop mash-ups. Hey, at least in the 80s they actually played live music, and they sang songs about stuff that mattered. You know, like busting moves, blondes in black cars, shouting at the devil, justice for all, roses (and how every one has its thorns), how to dance safely, pyromania, monkeys going to heaven, little red corvettes, and girls, girls, girls! What would you do with a time machine, by the way? (Editor’s Note: Time Machine = Shorter Haircuts and Less Make-Up on stage.)

BroJo: What do you think about Disney potentially making three new Star Wars movies?

IG: At some point in my life I stopped caring about a lot of stuff. But now I hear J.J. Abrams may be the director for the new movies. He is also directing the Star Trek reboots. I don’t think he should be double dipping with both of the most iconic Sci Fi film franchises in the world/galaxy/universe. Joss Whedon might be a better pick. Star Wars could be much darker and compelling than it is with the right director. Christopher Nolan, Zack Snyder, and maybe even Bryan Singer would be interesting directors. But I really don’t care who directs the movies. I have more important things to worry about nowadays. Like did you know that Beyonce lip-synched the National Anthem at Obama’s inauguration? Now she’s actually going to sing at the Superbowl. “Is it live or is it Memorex?”

BroJo: How many mistakes (typos, grammar, etc.) have I made so far?

IG: “Everything counts in large amounts.”

BroJo: Alright….Katy Perry, Zooey Deschanel, Emily Blunt, Katie Featherston, Mia Kirshner, or Siwan Morris?

IG: “Every little thing she does is magic. Everything she do just turns me on.” Honestly, I didn’t know who the last three lovely ladies on the list were. (I don’t watch much TV, and how’s that for alliteration?) But thanks to my friend Google, I see that all six of them have very similar appearances. Are you sure they aren’t all the same person? Katy Perry lost points with me when she dated John Mayer. Emily Blunt is pretty, and maybe her acting is a little under-appreciated. But she’s a little boring. So, I’m going with Zooey today. (Editor’s Note: Trick Question. They’re all the same person!)

BroJo: What’s your favorite trivia game? I need to practice.

IG: What is Jeopardy?! It’s the perfect game—a mix of mental speed, physical dexterity, and competition.

BroJo: Favorite book and movie of all time.

IG: Tough to pick just one. Tess of the D’urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. Maybe The Plague by Albert Camus. The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara. Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of nonfiction—mostly biographies or autobiographies of military men or mountain climbers.

I really liked The Matrix, and Gran Torino ranks among my favorites. One of the best movies ever made, however, was Big Trouble in Little China. I still watch that occasionally and laugh like I did the first time I saw it. I love the scene where Kirk Russell kisses a girl then goes off to fight the bad guys with red lipstick smeared all over his mouth.

BroJo: Your kids sported mustaches during Christmas…..When are you going to grow one? Join me next Movember?

IG: I don’t like my face to be itchy. My face always gets itchy with more than a few day’s growth. And unless I make it through the Q course, I won’t be wearing a mustache for the Army. So, I don’t think a mustache is not gonna happen. Besides, the wife likes my face smooth.

BroJo: What can we expect out of the Garden this year?

IG: Expect the unexpected. Let’s just say I’ll be trying out some new fertilizer blends. (Editor’s Note: Stay away while experimenting with new fertilizer!)

BroJo: How many mistakes (typos, grammar, etc.) have YOU made so far?

IG: “Maybe someday saved by zero.”

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So, there you have it. Iago is awarding “points” to those that can guess where all of the quotes come from.

18 thoughts on “An Interview With a Shakespearean Character

  1. It shows where my head is these days, but when I hear Iago, I think of the parrot from Aladdin. And unfortunately, this means that I am now thinking about Gilbert Godfried. So thanks for that.

    1. Hey, that’s a lot better than what happened when I Googled “Iagos Ghost” just to see what came up. It turns out that it was someone’s user name on a gay swingers website in England.

  2. There are lots more important music things to do with a 1980s time machine experience than change 80s hair bands, makeup included. The genesis of anything rap past MC Hammer for example. Hammertime was good but it went down hill fast after than.

      1. Vanilla was pretty exotic music. I think that it was the beginning of the end for rap with me. Pretty soon after that the lyrics became too mean and vulgar, leading us into cop killas and hoe beatas.

  3. Big Hair and frightening makeup aside, no one did monster love ballads like those guys. All I’m sayin’ don’t underestimate Steve Perry’s ability to melt the stony heart of the woman you love….although, in your case, young-in, a little Savage Garden might be more in order.

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