It’s time for another Blogging Celebrity Interview! This week’s interviewee comes to us from Canada, the land of Eskimos, Sasquatch and maple syrup. Roller Giraffe may be one of my favorite persons ever – and I’m not just saying that. (I’m saying it because she said the same thing about me on my Birthday. Well, actually she used the word favoUrite.) Well, let’s get on with the show. What do you say, eh?
Hi Roller Giraffe, (aka RG)
How’s it going? I’ve got all sorts of brand new BFF’s and I’m in business for at least one more. What do you think? You seem like pretty much the nicest person ever…but you can’t be too sure. Your 2011 and 2012 didn’t turn out the best, so let’s see if we can start 2013 with a smile. What do you say? Here are some questions to help me get to know you better. Happy New Year!
Brother Jon! I am totally game! You seem like you’d be a good BFF because we could sit around all day and eat hot pockets. And somehow I tricked you into believing I am nice. I will totally dispel that myth by the end of this interview, probably. But being your BFF would definitely improve my outlook for 2013.
BroJo: What is your favorite Gordon Lightfoot song?
RG: Alberta Bound. It’s both about this blessed, cursed province I live in and it’s romantical. It also takes a shot at Toronto, which is endearing to any Canadian who does not live in Toronto. But if Sundown comes on the Karaoke, watch out because I am totally wrecking your eardrums with my vocal stylings.
BroJo: Cory Monteith and Elisha Cuthbert. What do you have to say about that?
RG: Ok, so Cory Monteith makes me feel old and sad because he is just some kid from the same city as me who randomly ended up making gazillions of dollars on a crappy show that will be played on loop in my personal vision of hell. Is he dating Elisha Cuthbert? I am only vaguely aware of most pop culture stuff like that, even though I read gossip magazines religiously I can rarely tell all the young things apart. (shakes old lady fist at all the short skirts and boy crazy shenanigans). (Editor’s Note: They are not dating….she is from the same place – originally. Sorry I didn’t clarify it that well.)
BroJo: How many times have you been stung by bees? (And…can I get some honey?)
RG: Three times: Once when I was a kid, once during my beekeeping adventures last summer (and I was quite stoic I might add; I didn’t want to look like a wuss at a beekeeping workshop), and once while I was picking up my wedding dress. I was wearing a Hustler t-shirt and walked into the dress shop swearing like a sailor over my swollen foot. Classy.
This year I will be doing a bee workshop and adding two more hives to my bee empire, so HONEY FOR EVERYONE!
BroJo: So, Twins: If you spank one does the other feel it? Wait a second…never mind. Maybe you don’t spank, but maybe you do. Sorry, but I DON’T KNOW YOUR LIFE! Let me try that again. So, Twins: If you take away ones Spider-Man outfit does the other one get upset? There, that’s better.
RG: If one gets heck I get this face from the other one:
BroJo: What is your favorite flavor of Hot Pocket?
RG: Thanksgiving, hands down. Why isn’t that a real thing yet? The good people at Hot Pocket Inc. really don’t know what they’re doing. (Editor’s Note: Tom Cruise would even eat these things!)
BroJo: Why are there so many pictures of Stephen Harper with kittens? Creepy much?
RG: I believe it to be the worst PR move in history. I mean really:
You just know he strangled all those cats after that was over.
BroJo: Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me, maybe? (This is up to Mr. Giraffe, of course.)
RG: I will totally butt dial the heck out of you, Brother Jon. I even managed to butt text someone a dozen times last week, so there’s that.
BroJo: Do you know how to roller skate? Roller Blade? Skate Board?
RG: Mr. Giraffe bought me roller blades 13 years ago for my birthday. He pushed me down a hill the first day, not believing how clumsy I was, and I ended up sliding a fair distance on my butt cheeks in short shorts. I couldn’t sit for a week because of the oozing sores and still have scars. My only consolation is that I took Mr. Giraffe down with me.
RG: It was probably the best experience of my life. I am not sure I can say the same for all the good, kind folks who saw my sturdy underoos and rollerblading scars that day though.
BroJo: There seems to be a lot of great bloggers out there named Jen. What’s the deal? I’m a dude, so I don’t know, but is there some prerequisite for WordPress concerning lady names?
RG: Jen, Jon; pretty close. I think Jen was just the default name for every girl born to my generation. However, I agree that there are some really excellent Jens out there. There’s also some real duds. I am looking at you, Jennifer Aniston. What have you done for us lately? Tanning in Cabo and having nice hair is not a job.
BroJo: Who’s your favorite Mormon Blogger? (You want a hint?)
RG: Brother Jon! I think we can just say favourite Mormon all around. And be thankful that you don’t live near me because I would be meddling in your dating life trying to find you a nice girl. I don’t know any nice girls, so that’s why it would be a problem. (Editor’s Note: I thought everyone from Canada was nice, dontcha know.)
RG: My printer is mercifully free of random debris. I think. I hear the kids upstairs now, so I am sure that there will be a pair of scissors and a bottle of children’s Advil in there before bedtime.
BroJo: A lot of your posts are tagged with “Humor” instead of “Humour”. Are you sure you’re Canadian?
RG: They’re trying to kick me out because I hate Tim Hortons and don’t know all the rules to hockey still.
BroJo: Should I try Poutine? I like fries…and gravy….and CHEESE Curds. We have something like this in America. It’s called the KFC Famous Bowl. It has mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, fried chicken and topped with shredded cheese.
RG: We have the KFC famous bowl here too, along with the most terrifying of all fast food items: the double down. The double down, like poutine, should come with its own automatic external defibrillator. I have always wanted to administer one of those so I’ll go with you to try poutine. Also let me know if you have food allergies, because I have always wanted to stab someone with an epi-pen too. I don’t know why. (Editor’s Note: Forget that comment about all Canadians being nice.)
BroJo: I think I read that you and your husband like Jazz music. Michael Bublé? My brother was in jazz band in High School. He can play the saxophone, clarinet, some piano, some drums, some harmonica and, since last Christmas, the ukulele.
RG: Wowza! Mr. Giraffe is also musically inclined, and I am deeply envious of such talents. I can clap in rhythm, if you define “rhythm” as hitting one beat per song. I like all kinds of music, including jazz, but I draw the line somewhere between a guy playing a keyboard with his face (awesome) and a guy playing drums ON his face (decidedly not awesome).
Hopefully we can still be friends after all these painful admissions, Brother Jon.
We will most definitely still be friends. If you’ve managed to make it to the end…thanks, but I’m not surprised. Being the professional that she is, RG is the first blogger to send pictures w/ captions. She’s also the first one to answer my fake e-mail passage with one of her own. Thanks RG, it’s been fun! Until next time….turn up the mic and let’s get down.