David Harding could very well be in the top 50 of greatest Bloggers from Australia. I find him very funny….when he’s not running around eating pizza and playing dice with Gorillas. (It’s very hard to find him when he’s doing that.) The other day I decided that we should be best friends, but…how could we do that if we are strangers? I came up with a solution, and here it is. The following was an e-mail correspondence between the two of us. I’ve mashed them together to save time, space, room, and word count. And…I don’t have a Tardis. Have a look-see.
Or do you go by Dav? That’s kind of weird, but to each his own. (Or her own, I suppose.) Well, since your last post….where you sent Jess off in the most elegant of ways, I’ve decided that we should be best friends. The thing is…I don’t really know that much about you. So, I was wondering if you would answer some questions for me. I’ll be more than happy to answer some for you too.
AWESOME! I’m flattered!
Never been asked to do this before! Yay!
Oh, and my brother and cousin have always called me Dav, no one else. I was thinking of having it as my writing name hence the email address, but probably not now.
BroJo: What is Crocodile Dundee like?
Dav: He enjoys crochet, tiddlywinks, and whacking big mother crocs on their frikkin’ heads!
BroJo: Did he really fish with dynamite, or was that just for the New Yorker’s?
Dav: He really did that, but I don’t know if it should be called ‘fishing.’ It’s more like ‘blowing up them dumb fishes right up in their face!’
BroJo: I’ve heard there is something on every street corner in Australia that can kill you. Is this true?
Dav: Yes, I direct you to this website: http://www.hotelclub.com/blog/the-10-most-dangerous-animals-in-australia/ We have the deadliest stuff ever, man. I even have numbers 6 & 9 off this list at MY HOUSE!
BroJo: What’s the inside of a Kangaroo’s pouch feel like?
Dav: Like the inside of a wombat’s pouch. It’s good for holding chip dip if you can train your roo to stand still.
BroJo: Is Fosters really Australian for Beer? I always thought it was Australian for cold urine.
Dav. NO! Foster’s is the biggest sham this side of shampoo! You can’t buy it here, no one sees it, drinks it, likes it, touches it, sniffs it or sends it emails! Don’t buy it! I only know about it because I used to live overseas. Fosters is a big beer conglomerate that has many brands but doesn’t sell that one here. There are hundreds of real Australian beers, come over and try some. RANT OVER!
BroJo: How many shrimps have you put on the Barbie?
Dav: NEW RANT BEGINS: We don’t call them ‘shrimp’ people! Partly because ours are so big they will TEAR DOWN YOUR HOUSE IF YOU LET THEM! THEY AIN’T SHRIMPY! We call them ‘prawns’ and I have put many on a barbie.
BroJo: Shouldn’t she wear clothes instead?
Dav: What? Oh I get it! You’re referring to that shrimp Barbie. Hey, what she wears is her own business, Mr Nosey.
BroJo: The pizza in your video looked like it had spinach and some kind of white sauce on it. What kind of weird stuff is that?
Dav: IT AIN’T SPINACH! THAT’S WEIRD! IT WAS ROCKET AND TANDOORI SAUCE! SHEESH! I had this conversation with Maddie Cochere in the comments. Rocket is a very common form of lettuce here. Tandoori is an Indian thing. Sorry, Inuit thing. I don’t know what Indians like to be called now, sorry.
BroJo: Do you come from a land down under?
Dav: Yes. It’s where beer does flow and men chunder.
Incidentally, did you hear the band Men At Work were recently busted for that song? The court found that they had ripped off the children’s traditional song ‘Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gumtree’ (it’s the flute bit in the song.) The result? MEGA PAYOUT! MEGA SUE! MEGATRON! The Men at Work need to go back to work as they can’t live off those royalties no more! (See, I’m full of interesting facts!)
BroJo: What is in Vegemite? (I’m not sure if I really want to ask this one. Hopefully it’s not baby tears or unicorn blood.)
Dav: Vegemite is one of the world’s richest known sources of Vitamin B. Everyone knows that. Everyone also knows it is a yeast extract. What that exactly is, no one knows. OH! RANT BEGINNING AGAIN: DON’T I EVER CATCH ANYONE SAY IT ISN’T YUMMY OR I WILL PERSONALLY COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND PUT AN EGG DOWN YOUR CHIMBLEY!
BroJo: What are the top five Australian music bands?
Dav: Ok, ok. This is my opinion. People can write in and complain but they can go stick an egg up their chimblies.
- The Wiggles (SHUT UP PEOPLE! THEY HAVE DONE SO MUCH FOR OUR NATION AND OUR CHILDREN!)
- Josh Pyke
- Missy Higgins
Those people asking ‘where’s INXS, Cold Chisel, Midnight Oil, Powderfinger, or the gajillions of other bands I’ve forgotten about’ can stick an egg in their chimbley, then in a neighbour’s chimbley.
BroJo: Are you Torn?
Dav: No, but I am ripped. (Is this a Natalie Imbrgliggigilia reference?)
BroJo: Do you claim Russell Crowe?
Dav: I claim the Russel Crowe in Gladiator. The other Russel Crowe’s can go put some rocket leaves in an envelope and post it to Hugh Jackman. (Hugh Jackman is ripped AND torn.)
BroJo: What do you think about Mel Gibson
Dav: I don’t think about Mel Gibson.
BroJo: Have you ever had a boomerang cut your fingers off?
Dav: No. If one is coming towards me I jump out-of-the-way. I don’t try to catch them, those things can take your fingers off!
Well, there you have it. The greatest interview ever conducted. I want to clarify a few things too. Yes, I was referencing Natalie Imbruglillieayeae. Hugh Jackman is ripped AND torn…because he’s Wolverine!! I’m a little surprised that Dav didn’t include Wolfmother on his list of bands….or AC/DC. I do really like Silverchair though, so all is forgiven.
If you couldn’t tell, this was very fun, and entertaining….for me at least. I would be more than willing to ask you some questions. If you are interested just shoot me an e-mail at email@example.com and I will ask you some questions….for all the world to see.