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Questions, Statements and Answers

I’m extremely distracted nowadays. I have plenty of things to write about, but nothing really substantial. Because of this I’ve decided to just touch on a few things.

First some questions.

Does anyone do anything “figuratively” anymore? (This is also a contest to see how many times I can use the word “any” in a sentence.) People are literally talking about doing literally everything in a literal way. They’re doing it so much it literally makes me want to punch my literal cat in her literal face. I won’t do this, of course, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it.

Why is Unsweetened-Tea called such? We have Sweet-Tea, which is called Sweet-Tea because something has been added, to cause us to rename it. How do we make Unsweetened-Tea? Do we take sweetener out of Sweet-Tea? Nope. Why can’t we just call it Tea? This is a very similar idea to what Mitch Hedberg had to say about corn.

You know they call corn-on-the-cob “corn-on-the-cob,” right? But that’s how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that “corn”, and they should call every other version “corn-off-the-cob.” It’s not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm “Mitch”, but then re-attach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.”

Cover of "Mitch All Together (W/Dvd)"
Cover of Mitch All Together (W/Dvd)

Now for some news.

I’ve had a phone call tonight. This phone call has told me when my interview with the Stake President will be. It’s tomorrow, at 7:30 p.m. I don’t foresee any problems, so afterward I will be a full-fledged Temple Recommend carrying member of the Church. Boom goes the dyn-o-mite. This interview will happen at the new Joplin Stake Center. The Stake Center was dedicated a couple of months ago. You may remember a little tornado that went through Joplin, about a year and a half ago. Among other things, it took out the old Stake Center. The new one is wonderful, and I’m excited to visit it again tomorrow.

Picture from the Joplin Stake Center's parking lot on the night of the dedication.
Picture from the Joplin Stake Center’s parking lot on the night of the dedication. Our Ward was in charge of “Parking” people.

I’ve been catching up on my Festivus blog. I like to think that I’m an excellent gift giver – but this is extra hard. I mean, when I first got the e-mail I thought of course they give the nice Mormon by THAT blog. But, after doing some reading I’ve discovered that this person may be my long-lost relative. We have a lot more in common than you would think. The problem is its super tough to not just say “Hey free round trip to some exotic place!!” Yeah, I’m sure everyone would enjoy that. I have to be more clever than that. I will think of something, at the last moment. I always do. My best Christmas shopping happens on December 24th anyway. Thank you Emily and Ashley for putting this on. Did I mention that I LOVED stuffed vegetables? Hmmm – now I’m hungry.

Now for some explaining.

We believe the Temple to be the literal house of the Lord and our Heavenly Father. Now, we don’t think of them sitting around, lounging in a Lay-Z-Boy with a cold one watching the Saints beat the Redskins. Unless a person is transfigured (The condition of persons who are temporarily changed in appearance and nature—that is, lifted to a higher spiritual level—so that they can endure the presence and glory of heavenly beings.) they cannot behold the Glory of our Heavenly Father. In the temple we are taught, we make covenants, and we are promised blessings. We receive ordinances that enable us to live in the presence of God.” 

In order to become “Temple Worthy” we live by a set of standards. We abide by the Law of Chastity, Word of Wisdom, Law of Tithing and other such things. We answer a set of questions that deal with the above listed and whether or not we believe, have faith, are honest, etc. These are basically the same questions we hear during most other interviews. I’ve heard them a few times now. Before Baptism. When I received my temporary Temple Recommend and Patriarchal Blessing. When I received the Melchizedek Priesthood. The only difference is this interview includes a question that basically ask, do you deem yourself worthy to enter into the House of the Lord?

LDS Temple
LDS Temple (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If anyone out there has anymore questions, please let me know. Whether they’re Church related, personal, or neither doesn’t matter. I’ll answer. I promise. Even if you just want my opinion on which is better; Townhouse or Ritz crackers, I’ll answer.

32 thoughts on “Questions, Statements and Answers

  1. I had to add this link in for you…all the way from Aussie! The story itself is sad, someone died.
    Aside from the tragic loss of life, the line, “A witness, who did not want to be named, says bottles were smashed over people’s heads, beer glasses were thrown and posts were ripped out of the ground and used to damage cars.
    “There was glass everywhere – I was literally in the middle of world war three,” she said.”
    A FB friend of mine posted this and added, “Literally. So World War Three has actually started and this incident was part of the general conflict. I don’t understand how it fits into their strategy. Hang on… whose strategy? Who are we fighting? When did WWIII actually start? Were we too busy watching reality television to notice?
    So many questions…”
    http://m.abc.net.au/browse?page=11144&articleid=4403056&cat=Top_Stories.
    As I said, it is a tragic event, but the comments from my FB friend did amuse me.
    Can’t wait to see you at the Christmas party!

    1. Yep, things are looking up. In that picture you can see how all of the trees in the distance have their branches off. It was bad, but it really brought the community together.

  2. I am curious about the Temple recommend. Do they coach you through the interview? Being raised catholic every response was prescribed during all the rites, and it occurred to me that parroting responses might not be the most genuine way to accept new responsibilities in the church. I am just curious how other religions handle it.

    1. Yeah, what he said.

      I was raised Catholic too. Moving up in Catholicism is a bit different. Looking back it seems a little more judgmental, at least that’s how I feel about it. The Temple is a place to learn and become closer to God. The interview isn’t in place to see how much you know but rather whether or not you’re spiritually prepared to go. Some questions are “Do you believe in God?” “Do you believe in a Prophet”” “Are you honest in your dealing with your fellow man?” All of the answers are between you and God. You can lie…but that defeats the purpose. It’s all sort of a self-check thing – with a couple witness kind of making sure at the same time.

      1. Well, you’re in luck cause I’ve changed my mind. I’ll answer your too.

        I, now, prefer Townhouse Crackers. They are more laid back and homely. Ritz crackers are too showy, too ritzy to me. They are the life of the party….always trying to one up the rest of the snack food. Townhouse just like to sit back, in the corner, and let the party come to them….kind of like me.

        1. Ha! This was awesome.

          Ritz for me any day. I don’t know what either of them are, but just the name. Ritz, the swanky London hotel? Vs. townhouse? No comparison.

          1. To each their own.

            They’re names for snack crackers. There used to be great commercials showing how to build such wonderful snack masterpieces. Now they just struggle to see whose cracker is more “buttery”. It’s a shame.

  3. Also, ask jiltaroo too, but I think that’s basically how we do it. The corn I mean. Its just called corn. Actually, on or off the cob we just say ‘corn’. And we just call tea, ‘tea’. And cows ar called ‘meat’ and so on.
    Also, M&Ms or Reese’s?

    1. Now, do you mean Reese’s pieces? Or peanut butter cups? That does make a difference. Peanut putter cups are my all time favorite. Between candy coated candies though, I have to go with M&M’s

  4. Hey rollergiraffe, not in any of my experiences has anyone tried to coax me through a temple reccomend interview. THe answers are pretty obvious really. Most of them are even yes or no answers. You don’t need to be coaxed. Plus that would defeat the point. Its not about giving teh right answers per se, but about a spiritual evaluation.

  5. First time I heard of Unsweetened Tea. I agree, people love to overcomplicate matters 😉

    Good luck with the interview!

    1. Ah, yet again second fiddle to good ole Mitch. I like him because that’s what I probably would have acted like as a comedian. My favorite is “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.”

      Yeah, time is running out on the whole secret Santa thing. I’ll figure it out thought…I’m sure of it. Thanks!

  6. The giftees were chosen totally at random, and at first I thought I might change yours. But then, I was like, “y’know what? No. The whole point of this Festivus thing is to introduce bloggers who may not know each other.” Both of y’all have hearts of gold and I know you’ll come up with something good for him/her.

    PS. RIP Mitch. I have that album and LOVE it.

    1. Well, I’m glad you didn’t change it. I had been following it for a while, but never really paid that much attention to it. It’s great. Thanks for the opportunity.

      Yes, indeed. He went way too soon. That and Strategical Grill Locations are both really great.

  7. I have family who lives in Joplin. My dad was actually born there, and my grandmother grew up there. Broke my heart when it was devastated.

    Question: Vespa or Segway: which one ruins your chances of getting a date more?

    1. Really? That’s so neat. I’ll be there tonight. Maybe they can buy me an ice cream.
      Let me see. The main thing that would keep me from getting a date is the fact that I know what each of those things are, but I digress.
      A Vespa is cool, like in foreign country’s, so If I’m not in ‘Merica I’ll go with that.
      A Segway is a super cool way…to change the subject. As a form of transportation, not so cool. I’m not that good at balancing either…but. If I can make a lady laugh by falling flat on my face, that might work.

      So, Segway is the worser of the two, I believe. The next bad thing is my grammar, but who cares bout that?

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