Even at 30 there are still things that I see that can’t be explained. Things that are, but don’t seem right. Things…I refuse to believe.
Hugh can dance. He can sing. Good ole Hugh has never killed anyone with laser sharp blades that protrude through his hands. You know what I have to say to all of these statements? LIES! What else are you going to tell me? That he’s never hacked into the most securest system, whilst having Travolta look on? That he didn’t take down a Werewolf, Mr. Hyde, and Count Dracula? That he doesn’t sound like Elvis when he’s looking extra penguinie? Yeah, and Liam Neeson is an action star. (Fun Fact: Liam played Jean Valjean in the 1998 production of Les Misérables. Hugh will be playing this same character in the upcoming 2012 film.)
Vampires are twinkly, have feelings, and are vegetarians.
Come on Edward, give me a break. You can’t live without Bella? Well guess what? You forgot something. You’re already dead! Oh, and you eat deer. Big deal, so do I. It’s good if you slice it up, batter and fry it. How can you be a vegetarian if you still eat animals anyway? Is this because you only feed on animals that feed on veggies? That’s lame. Go Vegan, maybe that would impress me. And another thing, vampires die in the sunlight. Don’t believe me? Talk to Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, and even Charlaine Harris. (I have read the Twilight series. I did it to be impressive, if you know what I mean, or at least it started out that way. They grew on me. They were easy to read, except for the second one, waah, waaaah, waaaaah.)
Pets like to dress in people clothes.
Do you really think your dog or cat enjoys that sweater they’re wearing? Why don’t you get a coat for your chinchilla, or a boa for your bird? Might as well. You know how you think they are having so much fun taking that stuff off? Yeah, that’s because they don’t like it! And another thing, they have fur. Do you know what fur is for? It’s like clothes. When it gets hot some of the fur comes out, like wearing shorts. When it gets cold the fur gets thicker, like putting on a faux fur coat. My Muddah likes to put sweaters on her puppies. All of her puppies have been males. They always give me a look when I see them. I know what’s up.
Nice guys finish last.
Alright, let’s not get all mushy and sentimental here. I’m not looking for that. I just happen to think that this isn’t a true statement. Think about it. The people that you hear, or have heard, say this, are they really that nice? I mean, I’m nice. I may not be in first place, but I’m surly not last. I think that’s argument enough.
So, what do you all think? Do you have any life refusals?