blogging · comedy · Everything · food · funny · humor · Oddities

Ideas That Make The World A Better Place

Looking around I’m seeing many friends and acquaintances getting the recognition they deserve. To be Freshly Pressed is truly amazing, so congrats to Le Clown, The Ringmistress, and The Roller Giraffe. (I also feel the need to include Madame Weebles.) This has caused me to wonder what I could do to leave a positive footprint on this earth. How can I make this world a better place, like the people above have? There are all sorts of ideas that one could have. Peace, Love, Hope comes to mind. (Hah, you see what I did there? Is this trademarked? If not, back off. I’m looking at you Obama.) Is this too much – too big of an idea? Probably, so I figured I should try to focus on the smaller things in life. This is what I’ve come up with.

The first idea is (extra) small fries, but still not bad. From time to time I leave my drink out when I go to bed. This is a very gross convenient habit to have come morning. The first thing I need to usually do when I wake up is wet my whistle. The problem is my drink ends up watered down, every time. What are we to do about this? I know. Let’s develop a product, whether it be Kool-Aid or Crystal Lite doesn’t matter, that takes into consideration the possibility of melting ice. What do you think? Is this marketable? Are you absent-minded? Do you enjoy having your drink cold? What do you do if  you’re a slow drinker? You go for a Flavor-Aid. No matter how much water gets added, it will still retain its flavor.

Kool-Aid Man
His ice never melts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve come to realize that first ideas are usually stale, so hold on to your knickers as I reveal the second one. I don’t have much need for this next product, but I think many other people will. I’ve noticed that some ladies are often in need of a hair thingy. I’ve also noticed that they are often always sometimes late. How about we try to fix both of these problems at once? It’s Scrunchy Time! A hair thingy that doubles, conveniently,  as a watch. A perfect product for the ladies…and hippies too. When not worried about your hair getting in your face, you have a very wonderful time-keeper right there on your wrist. And when the wind blows, you have something that will save you so much time. The tag lines write themselves. Hmm…maybe time to move on to the bread and butter.

This year my Muddah and Bruddah have decided to have Thanksgiving with my Grandparents in Seattle. They’re leaving me here all alone. I don’t really feel this way, but it is fun giving them a hard time about it. And I’m sure one of two things is going to happen. Either someone is going to invite me over, or I’m going to have a Hebrew National hotdog, wrapped in bacon, over at Faddah’s house. (I can’t speak for Faddah, but I mean no disrespect. I have actually witnessed this meal being prepared.) In any case I was over at Muddah’s house tonight, for dinner. She asked, again, if I was going to be okay. I assured her that I would, and that I would probably just pick up a Hot Pocket or two for that special holiday. This was a joke…but, it got me to thinking.

English: A picture of a hot pocket from my fre...
Hello late November feast! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How about a Thanksgiving themed Hot Pocket? Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy all wrapped up in a convenient package, with its own weird sleeve, ready to go. You have to admit, it sounds just as tasty (or gross) as any other Hot Pocket flavor out there. And you know what? I bet they taste better the next day too. Pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce flavored Hot Pockets sold separately.

I wonder, have any of these products been thought of yet? I hope not. These are great. If you take steal borrow some of these ideas from me, and end up making a lot of money, yeah, I want some of that money…just saying.

This is who else I got to have dinner with at mom’s house. His name is Cujo, and he almost took my pinky off.

And a special thanks to Becca, over at 25tofly.com, for being the 100th person to like my Facebook Page. Thank you so much. If you don’t know what I’m talking about click the picture of the ugly puppy above.

38 thoughts on “Ideas That Make The World A Better Place

  1. I AM SO DOWN with Thanksgiving in a pocket. Or burrito, or any other carb based container. It would also be appealing to the domestically challenged (like me) who would feed it to their families on such a special day. I want shares.
    You are so lovely and wonderful and handsome to include me up there with other blogging royalty. I can’t say if I’ve made the world a better place, but I hope that I haven’t made it any worse. Much love, BroJo.

        1. That’s a good one. How about this?

          TG and TWP are sitting, with knife and fork perpendicular to the table, with the most disgusted look on their face, staring down at a Turkey Pocket, with a thought bubble that says (gobble? gobble?)

          And at the same time there you are, breaking the fourth wall, with the most triumphant look on your face, exclaiming “Gobble! Gobble!) That’s probably too much. Never mind, you’re the genius.

                1. Between those two I would pick Robert Downey Jr. I mean, he’s Iron Man for goodness sakes. Clive Owen is the guy Matt Damon killed in that one movie. (no offense.)

                    1. I guess so. I prefer Craig Ferguson, or that guy that played Tumnus in the Wardrobe movie. Actually, I take that back, I prefer Emily Blunt and Elizabeth Hurley. Yeah, that make more sense.

  2. Brother Jon,
    Dude, I don’t know what to tell you anymore. You’re a class act, and I feel like a broken record each time I tell you. I think it is time we collaborate on something. Very soon. Let’s make it happen.
    Le Clown

    1. Thank you. I agree. I have something rolling around in my head. I’ll shoot you a message, and we can see if it can go anywhere.

  3. I’m sure there will be a thanksgiving dinner where someone will have chocolate cake that you can have (with or without them knowing is up to you). Yes she still brings that up 🙂

  4. You SO need to do the Thanksgiving Hot Pocket idea. YES. This needs to happen. Because I need to be able to have a turkey hot pocket crammed with turkey, stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce. And a pumpkin pie hot pocket.

    I actually like having a very low-key Thanksgiving. One year Mr. Weebles and I decided to stay home and we just chilled out and had our own turkey and stuff, but I would have preferred hot dogs instead, to be honest.

    Also, you have already left your mark, Brother Jon. You’re a good writer, you come up with funny posts, you’ve already explained more to me about the Mormon Church than I ever knew before, and you’ve made the life of a cat better (even though she might disagree). These are all great things.

    1. Thanks Madame. Maybe I will have beanie weenies this year.

      I appreciate every bit of this. And just so you know, that cat doesn’t like to admit it, but she probably couldn’t live without me. I complete her….at least when I get home for dinner time.

  5. I am with everyone else on the Thanksgiving Hot Pocket idea. This needs to be a thing. Maybe a food network competition! Or a food truck, or whatever it takes, I will come as many miles as necessary to get one.
    And I also agree (the benefit of being late to the party; everyone else has already done the thinking for you) that your blog is excellent. You have such well explained and reasoned views of your faith and there’s a whole lot of humor there as well. You make WordPress a better place.

    1. Thank you so much RG (I feel kind of bad. What do people call you in the comments? I forgot). I’m guessing I’m going to have to put that Turkey Pocket into production, somehow, someway. We already have the commercial outlined and ready to go.

      1. I have buckets of leftovers still, I could totally prototype it.
        And people call me lots of things.. RG works just fine!

  6. I would even eat the Thanksgiving Hot Pocket on a day that wasn’t Thanksgiving–that’s how good it sounds. But I’m reluctant to jump on the Hot Pocket bandwagon you have going on here, so I’ll say that Hot Pocket would probably find a way to make Turkey & Stuffing taste like cardboard and chemicals.

    1. I agree. I like RG’s idea about doing it Food Truck style. Every time I think about Hot Pockets Jim Gaffigan comes to mind. “Lean Pocket. Unwrap and place directly into toilet.” That’s what this Turkey Pocket would be like. “Throw directly into trash, and go take a nap.”

  7. Will the Thanksgiving Hot Pocket leave me with a fresh layer of pain in my mouth like the others? Each ingredient should also be at a drastically different temperature than the others after microwaving. Just some pointers. Thank for the shout out Jon :).

    1. Well, to stay in line with the norm, it will either be frozen in the middle, or boiling, lava hot. Maybe if we have special cooking directions for the oven…it can still kind of feel fancy. Instead of a weird paper sleeve we can have a roaster pan the size of a hot pocket. This idea just gets better and better.

      No problem.

  8. Very good post, Brother Jon, and much less whiny than mine! Also, extra points for showing the Kool-Aid man. I love it when he blasts through walls. I do the same thing when I drink too much Kool-Aid.

  9. I prefer a quiet Thanksgiving… personally…
    The Howler and I have to do a whole lot of traveling typically….
    Have lunch with the Old Folks, then rush to my mom’s house for dinner… THEN get home at a sane hour so I can go to work the next day….

    I would totally be cool with having lunch with the Old Folks and then just going back home…BUT the family gets their knickers in a twist when I do this….

You Know You Want to Say Something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s