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Mundane Things We Fight Over

And when I say “We” I mean me, or at least I used to.

This morning, while taking care of business, I started thinking about trivial things that people often argue about. Where do you fall in each of these arguments?

The Toilet Seat Should Be Left Down/Up!

More times than not this is an argument between the sexes, but not always. I keep the seat down, because I’m nice and thoughtful like that, but I can see both sides. It’s good to keep the seat down so you never have to worry about putting it down, aka falling into the water. Some people have a big enough back side they don’t have to worry about such a thing (that’s me) but not everyone. I have fallen in before. Not good. I thought I was going to die. On the other hand it’s good to keep the seat up cause you don’t want to have accidents in the middle of the night. I don’t have to worry about his problem, yet. I can still go before bed, or wait until I wake up in the morning. I say we have a compromise for this problem. Each toilet has a seat and a lid. If we always keep the lid down also, there will always be something for someone to lift up and set back down. How about that? Seems alright to me.

The Cheese Goes On The Top/Bottom Of The Burger!!

This may not be a big thing for most of you, but I’ve been in the middle of this one several times. I’ve even been on one of the sides before. Now, I don’t much care. Cheese is so good I prefer to put it on BOTH the top and the bottom, but that’s just me. What I’ve heard is that it goes on the bottom because that way it won’t mess up your top bun. You don’t have to worry about your bottom bun falling off either. But, it goes on the top because that’s more traditional. It looks better that way, and plus you should be smart enough to not place that top bun on until you’re ready to eat. How many of you have never even thought of this before? Let the battle begin.

The Toilet Paper Is Supposed To Roll Under/Over!!!

This makes for a very heated discussion starter. After doing some research I’ve noticed that about 68% of people say that it should roll over. Why is there enough information to formulate statistics like this? Aren’t there more important things for us to worry about? I’d rather not get into the arguments from either side, mainly because I really don’t know what they are. What intrigues me is how the argument over such a thing can escalate. It always seems too far, too fast.

“Paper should roll over.”

“No, I disagree. I think it should roll under.”

“Are you mental? Roll over.”

“Such a Neanderthal. Roll under.”

“Your mom wears combat boots! Roll over!”

“Your dad don’t know how to put cheese on a burger! Roll under!”

“I’ll poke your eye out! ROLL OVER!”

“I’ll cut your friggin head off! ROLL UNDER!”

Alright, calm down, calm down. You know what I say? I think we should all be thankful that we live in a time and place where we even have toilet paper. We don’t have to use pine cones, tree leaves, small animals or our bare hands, anymore.

These are all little things that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with. There’s always a compromise, always. A comedian named Louis C.K. talks about flying every once in a while in his act. It’s not the usual “Oh, I can’t believe how bad the food is or how long it takes to get through the line or did you see them frisk me back there?” He talks about how amazed we should be. There should be no

“Why I got to sit in the middle?”

“Why is it so cold?”

“Why does this person next to me stink so bad?”

“Why can’t I bring a gun on the plane?”

Here’s something that might take you mind off of all these things. You are in a metal tube, that weighs thousands of pounds, that is hundreds of miles above the earths surface, and hurtling through the air at hundreds of miles an hour. Oh, and guess what else? You can now hook up your digital devices to the airplanes WiFi.

Still think flying sucks? Be amazed from now on. Be amazed.

34 thoughts on “Mundane Things We Fight Over

  1. I didn’t even know there was a huge debate raging about where the cheese goes when making up a burger… cheese rocks. I say burgers should be in between two pieces of cheese – with NO bread….

    BUT then I am biased, and a bit jaded because I cannot have most breads…

  2. 1, Louis CK is amazing and he pretty much owns us all whenever he opens his mouth.
    2, my husband and I constantly fight over the correct way to roll the TP, yet we miraculously make it work.
    3, Excellent post. Great points to ponder.

  3. Louis C.K. rules. I love when he talks about stuff like that, like about planes, or about how people get impatient when their phones don’t refresh email or web pages fast enough. “It’s going to space!!! Can you give it a second??”

    I guess I’m not persnickety about TP rolling direction, or cheese position on burgers. I’m definitely fussy about other things, but oddly, not these two.

  4. I have 3 brothers and had a heated argument with my youngest about the seat once (your point exactly). I slept in a little office outside the backdoor and used the o/s toilet at night. The switch was too far away so I always went in the dark. One night I almost fell in bruising my thigh and my dignity. When I tried to explain that it would be nice to have to seat down to my brother, he decided to really argue that point. We haven’t spoken to each other since.

    1. Yep. I almost added a picture of the paper just sitting there with a caption that says “it’s supposed to roll sideways”. I too prefer the rolling over. Don’t tell anybody.

  5. Well I never heard the cheese burger debate. I’ve always put the cheese on top of the burger because I put in on while the burger is cooking to get all melty.

    Toilet paper rolls under in my house BECAUSE that makes it harder for a little kid to toddle in and play that game where they spin the roll and all the paper ends up in a heap on the floor. The arm movement required to spin the roll up is a much more sophisticated motion–usually by the time a kid can do that, he knows better than to try it. When all my kids are grown, I’ll switch back to rolling over.

    and Louis CK is a genius. I love that routine and it is so true. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you not just participate in THE MIRACLE OF FLIGHT?!!”

      1. Well, at the risk of starting a riot, no cheese. I do like cheese but it doesn’t belong on my burger. My wife likes cheese on her burger (top of the burger). I guess opposites do attract.

  6. 1. Toilet Seat: Leave it like you found it. If it was up when you got there, put it back up before you leave. And look before you back up to sit down.

    2. Cheese……. I like your idea of both but if I had to pick I would say bottom. That way it holds in all the yummy juices from the burgr and the bottom bun doesn’t get soggy.

    3. Paper roll: OVER OVER OVER OVER. Yes I am slightly nuerotic about this and will actually switch the roll while out in public if it is wrong. Sorry that’s just the way I roll… OVER!

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